not the type

Genial manners are good, and power of accommodation to any circumstance, but the high prize of life, the crowning fortune of a man is to be born with a bias to some pursuit, which finds him in employment and happiness.
RW Emmerson

I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.
HD Thoreau

Wisdom is one of the few things that look bigger the further away it is.
Terry Pratchett

Wise words I typed today while testing my typing speed. Perhaps my wpm should go on my resume? It's rather fast.
Speaking of the resume, it is well refined otherwise; the font is nice, there's a little graphic in the corner, it details the accomplishements of my last ten years of life... I thought I would have a job by now but I don't.
It's not the resume's fault by any means, the poor thing has been overworked and should not also take the blame for my unemployment affliction. I have come down with a terrible case, the causes of which are intermitent pride and chronic comfort, and if it continues I will soon have to tie a tourniquet around the part of me that enjoys indoor living and eating.
Although me today may be partly to blame, the foolish me of my youth was the one who cashed the check of carfree living in favor of a graduate education in architecture. Since the first dollar of yet unearned money she spent, I have been supporting her upon my soon to be weary back, and carrying the guilt of future me's torture by CAD heavy in my heart.
So what is the intermediate me to do to lighten the burdens I now face in the very near future? One accidental strategy seems to be to sabotage any opportunity at employment in the profession. Another, perhaps more reasonable strategy is to follow the shit sandwhich approach and find a way to set a trajectory for earning some money in the forseable future (my father always said life is like a shit sandwhich, the more bread you have, the easier it is to take). Yet I still hear a nagging voice -perhaps the same little bitch who got me in trouble in the first place- that says "you would make a good architect, you will get there, and it is to be your life's work".
Well what the hell do you know, little bitch voice? Do you have something else to say to me, like how I am going to make that happen and still be able to live the rest of the life I want- maybe buying a house, maybe having kids, maybe having a social life or travelling or other things? There is no provision when you sign on to become an architect that says you will ever get there, and by there I mean to the place where architects think they will be someday, the place where society thinks all architects reside. That there is a place where your pencil drawings are behind glass- where people come to you for inspired creations- or maybe just where you don't have to work within shitty norms anymore because someone believes in your work. In fact, there is no provision that says you will ever get beyond the point of being someone else's draftsperson, or that if you do you will be able to establish yourself well enough to eat. If these things still hang in the balance after all of the rest of the things that make up the good life are, at least to some extent, forsaken, then how is it reasonable to listen to you, little voice, for one more minute?
Indeed I am ill, with the bias to some pursuit which may find me in employment but not likely happiness. Perhaps the concious endeavour that I must undertake is to pursue something else, or to find some puritanical way to believe that the yoke of this profession is not in fact burdensome, but elevating.